I’ve always been into personal development and it used to be that I’d have pretty big ambitions for myself. When I was a girl, I worked on developing the powers of telekinesis. I also really wanted to be able to talk to animals, though those aspirations were short-lived. Oh my goodness! I just realized that maybe that’s why I have an unreasonable love of talking animal commercials. This blog is so useful in my continued personal development and self-awareness. Thank you for reading it.
These days, my ambitions aren’t so fantastic. I’m working on incorporating one very specific and seemingly simple thing into my life: Pause. I have this idea that if I pause and take a moment to see what my stomach or heart-rate or breath is up to, then I might have a little more time and information to behave in a way that I don’t regret later. Or if I used the pause to wonder, “Amanda, what is it that you want right now?” then that might be useful, too.
For now, I’m not even aiming for better decisions. It’s just the straight-up pause that I’m going for. If I feel something a-quiver in my intestinal region and I notice it and pause, I’ll consider that a win even if I just carry on with the scenario that has been set in motion and that I know very well. I know what role I’m expected to play and a lot of the time, and I just do it because it’s easy and I’m used to it. Eventually, I might aim explicitly for pause with behavior-modification, though pausing is modifying my behavior so maybe I’m already doing it. Whatever. For simplicity’s sake, I’m going to stick with this pause thing.
Now, let me share a story with you that has very little to do with yoga but a lot to do with telekinesis. Of course, if you are like me, then you believe that everything has a lot to do with yoga, but I thought I’d give you a little warning. There isn’t any sutra at the end of this or anything. It’s just a true story.
When I was in elementary school, I saw a t.v. movie where a creepy kid could move and control objects using the power of his mind. I really remember the scene where he was on his bed in his dark and dank bedroom. His parents were down the hall screaming at each other and he was slumped there raging and sad and wishing he didn’t have to hear it all. The shot zoomed in on his eyes and then panned over to the door. He stared very intently at the open door in his room for about 3 seconds, it started to shake and then it slammed shut. We are led to believe that HE closed the door with that stare. I wasn’t convinced but I was curious, so I continued watching. As the movie progresses, the kid works to develop this ability. At some point his hands get involved in this process. There’s one part where he reaches across a table and claws up his fingers and he makes this pencil slide over to him. He can knock over a glass of water. He can make wind chimes rustle. He gets pretty good at controlling things with his mind, which I liked, but he used his power for evil, which freaked me out.
After seeing this movie, I decided it would be awesome if I could move things with my mind, too. Because I was convinced that I was a very special child and that I had untapped gifts or perhaps even a superpower yet to be discovered, it seemed likely that I’d able to do this kind of thing. I did consider that telekinesis might fall into the same dangerous and forbidden category as the Ouija board, which I was not allowed to experiment with. I guess there were rumors at our church that the Ouija board is moved by the devil. I don’t think my mom believed that, but she said we still couldn’t get one or play with one. Just to be safe, I didn’t discuss this telekinesis thing with my mom. I took my chances with the devil and I devoted myself to the task of learning to control the movement of inanimate objects with my mind. For about a year, maybe it just seemed like a year, I worked on my superpower in small concentrated spurts. I’d spend time with my hand in a claw, and my gaze lazer-locked on any small object that was lying around. I started with small flecks of paper. I figured the lighter the weight, the more responsive it would be. The paper didn’t move so then I thought that maybe there needed to be some personal connection to the item—like my doll or my underwear. I tried doorknobs and the ceiling fan. I tried a pencil on a desk. The closest I got to success was when my cat, Pollyanna Whitesocks, saw me reach out in her direction and make the claw hand. She thought I was beckoning her and she walked over to me, barely agreeing to let me pet her. Nothing else ever trembled or moved or indicated in any way that I was connecting to it through mental powers…or through the devil. Eventually I determined that telekinesis might not be within my ability or worth the dedication it would require, so I gave it up.