Under my skin

Last weekend, Dave and I spent a morning together—It was the rare Sunday morning when the girls were out of town and we were both in town and there was nothing we had to do.  So nice.  We brunched, we wandered, we talked and on the way home, we stopped by Trader Joe’s.  I have a little thing for their one-pound  bar of dark chocolate and almonds.  As we got out of the car and walked across the parking lot, Dave started to tell me about the movie, Of Gods and Men.  He thinks I should see it. This is a film that made a very big impression on him and he brings it up because it reminds him of the struggles, choices and lessons of the Bhagavad Gita. In the story, some Algerian Monks are faced with very difficult decisions, life and death decisions, and they can’t possibly predict the outcome.  They struggle to make a choice based on what they know is the right action according their dharma. The story demonstrates yoga in action and the beauty of deep faith.   The two of us are in the middle of the cheese section when he finishes with, “and I’m getting kind of choked up just thinking about it.”

That’s when I realize that I am all choked up, too!  One part of me is listening/trying to decide on a package of uncured smoked ham and another part is picking up the physical responses he’s having to remembering the story. I felt what he was feeling.  My throat was tight and I kind of felt like crying, and I hadn’t noticed any of it until he said that out loud.

This can happen with couples.  As a matter of fact, I think that before we broke up and moved into our own places, this probably happened all of the time.  I’d feel all sorts of stuff that came up for him and mistake it for my own feelings, which was confusing. The same thing probably happened to him, too.  This means that if one of us was anxious or upset or having a hard time, the other one of us felt it, and then we’d take it all on and struggle and be upset and before long, we’d both be heading in that same direction.  Some emotional aspects of our relationship felt unreliable and I think this had a lot to do with it.  I couldn’t count on being able to weather his storm alongside him without getting pulled in and vice versa.  It’s only since we’ve had a couple of years apart and then started spending time together during which we can leave and have time apart again, that I have come to know what my nervous system does when it’s on its own.  Yoga, of course, helps with this awareness and nervous system stability in a major way, too.  So these days I have this ability to contrast that solo-Amanda NS with what it does when I’m around other people.  I have a baseline.  Even so, if he hadn’t said something about how he was feeling right then at the end of his story, I probably would have gone home, craving that chocolate bar and a snuggly blanket on the soft couch wondering why I was so sad after a lovely morning and a trip to TJ’s.

If that story above doesn’t get under your skin, perhaps this will.  I saw this spider outside my door this afternoon!!! Don’t let the internet photo fool you.  It’s a huge one and I bet it could have jumped onto my face, because that’s where about the level it was on the wall when I noticed it.  Luckily I got away in time.  Yikes!

Happy Halloween, everyone.

 

early morning edit:  AWESOME halloween TRUE STORY.

I had old bananas on my fruit plate…the ends were cracked open and kind of blackish and they were sickeningly sweet smelling.  Well guess what was stuck to the plate and kind of blindly squirming around when I slid the bananas into the compost bucket??? MAGGOTS!!!!  Perfect way to start Halloween.  🙂