I find that the amount of gratitude I feel is very intimately related to my awareness of how impermanent things are. This morning, at the end of my yoga practice, I sat for a while in meditation and I felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude. There I was, able to breathe and with time to sit. My awareness stretched out a little and I could hear Dave walking around in the other room and I felt grateful for him, for our family and for the time I have to be with our girls as they are right now. And then I sensed where I was sitting… in my new house, a house that is strong and comfortable and meets our needs so well, and I felt so grateful for the chance to live in this house.
Just underneath the gratitude, feeding it, is the awareness that all of this will change. That none of it actually belongs to me, not even my breath. I didn’t know profound gratitude until I understood that nothing is guaranteed or owed to me or for certain. I’m given each breath for just a moment and in that moment, am taking just what I need, then I give it back. You can’t hold onto all the breaths you take. You have to let go. That’s just the way breathing works. And it’s like that with relationships, too. Dave chooses to be here. There’s nothing forcing him to stay. He doesn’t belong to me permanently and forever. But for this present moment, I get to enjoy having him in my life as we both are right now. The girls will grow up and change and the things I love about being a mother to a 6-year-old who loves to sing her way through her reading homework and picks up every rolly-polly she sees and to a 10-year-old book worm who has a great sense of humor and will hug me for a really long time when we meet in the hallway and then tell me how happy she is… these wonderful experiences with these children as they are now will make way for who they will be tomorrow and next year and 10 years from now. They won’t be like this forever. What I have now, with them, is a gift. The house, the neighborhood, living here today, is perfect. With the passing of time who knows what will become of the house and of us, here. But for now, here I am and I’m grateful.
*Begin or Renew a Personal Meditation Practice*
with Amanda Green and Rebecca Berryman
THIS Saturday, September 13th 1:00-4:00
private studio, Austin, TX
email amanda to reserve your space!